Emotionally Unavailable…!!
Someone asked me few weeks back that “Why have you become Cold to people and situations now? You were not like this before, then what happened?”
I said — “Life Happened, Love happened, Failures happened, Disappointments happened and most of all People happened.”
The person was shocked and was not sure what to say next. I was confident that I gave them the answer which will keep them pondering on it for weeks at least. Not because I was very smart in choosing my words, but I gave them a reality check without mincing my words.
I’m not saying that I am right, and others are wrong, but this is the way I have evolved, it does not mean that I am not loving or caring to people, but I chose to do that with people who are in my life and who mean something to me and vice versa. Every person has the right to decide what works best for them and for me this is the best.
I don’t want to be labelled as a person who is “Cold”, “Arrogant”, “Heartless” and “Emotionally Unavailable” because if you look the bigger picture then I am “Selectively Available”.
Sometimes you are just tired of putting on effort over people, situations and relationships which are of no value and do not reciprocate at all. Maybe you are the person giving all love, care and empathy to others but when it comes to you there is hardly anyone who can read your eyes with the real feelings beyond that fake smile that everyone is donning in today’s world.
Yes, I got tired and have evolved because I was pouring my attention, love, knowledge, wisdom and care to others but all I got in return was backstabbing, bullying, racism, cheat and worst TRAUMA. However, I never lost hope and believed in myself thinking — “Even if there is no one by my side, I will take care of myself.”
Heartbreak doesn’t only happen when your lover leaves you. It happens each time when someone breaks your trust, use your naïve soul for their selfish motives, when there is a bad review in the annual appraisal, when someone ghosts you without telling you what went wrong, when your family doesn’t stand by your side and when your friend backstabs on you.
As the heart break there is no noise, either the person shatters or become numb. Therefore, they chose to not be attached with anyone and remain “Emotionally Unavailable”. This numbness isn’t good for both our mental and physical health which is why we need to be very specific who we give access to, in our lives and what do they bring on the table.
The same applies to us, we should be making sure that we are there for someone with real emotions and not fake it for any selfish deeds. It is always a two-way street.
I met someone few days ago and while discussing various topics we landed on who are our real Friends and how many do each of us have in today’s time? I had my answered ready for him, but I got perplexed when he responded because his answer was like mine which brought me to the conclusion that a lot of people are sailing in the same boat as me.
WHY? — I think because of the kind of people we meet every day, The kind of challenges we go through, The kind of heartbreaks we deal with, The kind of trauma we handle, The kind of cheats we face and most importantly the kind of drama that follows with each of these situations.
Anyway “It’s the quality that maters and not quantity.”
All of us have witnessed failure in our lives, some of us have turned stronger and some of us have drown in it. But ask yourself, if there were people or so-called friends who were there to support you during that period? Were they sad and helped you to come out of that situation or did they just offered you alcohol to numb your pain for a while?
Not just friends, there are some unfortunate people who are not supported of understood by their families as well. With such kind of people around, how could someone be strong enough to be giving love and empathy when they are empty from inside?
Looking at the other side of the spectrum, the lucky ones like me have their family by side and some friends who are on family level. And for them I am always “Available”.
If we open social media today, then we see happy pictures and statuses of everyone. That is not holy truth. No one knows what goes on behind those happy pictures and posts, because no one really cares to be in touch with others to know what they are up to and how have they been. All of us are so comforted with our own selves that we miss the fact that there is a world around us. We only care to talk to them when there is something that we need from them or just to wish Happy Birthday because otherwise we don’t really care. Isn’t this called as “Emotionally Unavailable”?
If there is real affection and care then the relationship automatically turns beautiful, and all sorts of emotions are available.
Well, as I always say, “Each to its own”. Hence, I let you decide what’s the best for you.
